For the last couple months my son has turned into a thief, he's become defient, he dropped out of highschool, got himself a DUI, and within a week broke his probation with a disorderly conduct citation. I had a bottle of wine I brought as an investment 2 years ago, worth around $200. I noticed it missing, and questioned him on it, he swore he knew nothing about it, so much so that I started doubting myself as to where I stored it. This morning I looked, and saw the empty bottle and 2 paper cups in his back seat. He steals any money that might be laying around. I want him to just go away. I don't know what to do with him. If I throw him out, I think he would die on the streets, but I feel I have to.
Answers:
You are seriously considering throwing out your 18 yer son? Over a 200 bottle of booze. No Wonder he drinks. Have you considered taking him to a detox ward, or getting family counseling? Or going to your clergymen, priest, rabbi whatever? Seems that he may be developing a drinking problem but is mostly having a bad case of growing pains. Try reaching out and getting some help.
tough love. he needs a dose of reality...
I'd try to get him some help, first. If he doesn't respond, you might have to go the tough love route. He's an adult and needs to suffer the consequences of his actions.
It's unlikely that an 18 year old male will die on the streets.
It sounds like you indulged him a bit too much. If you continue to support or tolerate his bad behavior, the problem will undoubtedly get worse.
You have to show him that what he's doing is wrong. That's your job as a parent. Kick him out, call the police when he steals...It may seem harsh, but it's much better than allowing this behavior to become who he is.
You can try and help him and "reach out" to him as much as you want. But at this rebellious stage, your attempts will be in vain. Don't "kick him out". Just calmly tell him he needs to move out on his own now, he is an adult, and you don't agree with a lot of his choices/antics, so he can't stay at your house anymore.
A very dear attorney friend of mine who lives in california has come up with what he calls the "BRAZIL SOLUTION". It is rather lengthy but worth the read.
First, both of you apply for and receive your passports. Inform your son it is his 18th birthday present.
Next, book a flight to Rio in Brazil. You round trip, him one-way.
Next, pack lightly and go to the airport. Tell your son during the trip that he can do as he pleases because he is an adult. You just wanted to share the moment with him. Also, tell him that because he will be out at night, you should keep his passport with you for safe keeping.
When you arrive, go to your room. Tell him you want to have dinner with him later but now you need rest. When you are in your room, write the following letter that you will leave at the front desk for delivery to his room later.
Dear Son;
Since turning 18 you have become a person who does not listen to the experience and wisdom of your parent. You have stolen money and other items which mean a great deal to me.
Therefore, I can only assume by your actions that you feel you are entitled to a life without parents or anyone else telling you what to do.
It is with this in mind that I now say goodbye and good luck. You are now on your own to follow your own rules.
Love, Mom or Dad.
Take your Unpacked luggage and the letter, go to the front desk, leave the letter to be delivered the next morning, hail a cab, drive to the airport and return home.
He will either grow up real fast or not. It's up to him.
Doesn't sound like much of a family situation. Family is about tradition, values and caring.
If you can't afford the counseling and medical help your son needs seek help from the department of social services. They will direct you on how to receive services at low or no cost. Consider some counseling as well for yourself as your approach to the situation, by simply throwing him away on the streets, severely lacks family ethics.
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